I smell stomach acid.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I supernannyed him into submission
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
