Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize