I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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