This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
