the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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