It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
