Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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