Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
