I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
