It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize