You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
