I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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