oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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