I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
