Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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