Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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