I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
