Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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