I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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