oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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