i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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