He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
