WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Two words: blizzard sex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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