it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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