All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
