Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
