My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
