she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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