I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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