How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
