he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
