one might say we're banned from that church
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
