his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
