she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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