Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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