apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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