he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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