Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
