I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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