I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
