my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
