Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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