chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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