theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
