ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
