Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
