remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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