your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
