somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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