can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
