Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
