He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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