I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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