32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
