I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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