how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize