Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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