Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
