I wannas sexs uuuuu
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
