Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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