i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
