help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
