Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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