Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
