I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
