Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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