Texts From Last Night

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  (216): View more from Ohio

  make any headway on the foot/dick situation?

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  (216): make any headway on the foot/dick situation? http://tfl.nu/ein6
  Replies (7) Good night (627) Bad night (2090)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?

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  (904): There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it? http://tfl.nu/a6bf
  Replies (92) Good night (2535) Bad night (3267)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.

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  (678): His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum. http://tfl.nu/czce
  Replies (35) Good night (947) Bad night (6637)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.

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  (703): just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress. http://tfl.nu/rj37
  Replies (7) Good night (2213) Bad night (3923)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night

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  (712): I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night http://tfl.nu/v3fw
  Replies (20) Good night (3791) Bad night (1673)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?

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  (605): They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now? http://tfl.nu/s9tm
  Replies (11) Good night (4062) Bad night (864)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.

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  (623): It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too. http://tfl.nu/xu8j
  Replies (15) Good night (650) Bad night (3308)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window

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  (703): You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window http://tfl.nu/usl6
  Replies (2) Good night (1279) Bad night (395)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Another day, another engagement, another cat

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  (412): Another day, another engagement, another cat http://tfl.nu/m5x7
  Replies (1) Good night (1013) Bad night (514)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.

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  (540): The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one. http://tfl.nu/uhr4
  Replies (2) Good night (704) Bad night (397)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes

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  (917): Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes http://tfl.nu/krda
  Replies (2) Good night (344) Bad night (663)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.

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  (250): During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high. http://tfl.nu/970w
  Replies (6) Good night (827) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?

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  (954): I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested? http://tfl.nu/lmn2
  Replies (9) Good night (455) Bad night (1505)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?

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  (915): She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex? http://tfl.nu/yio0
  Replies (1) Good night (703) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.

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  (631): A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me. http://tfl.nu/teoz
  Replies (5) Good night (280) Bad night (816)

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