Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.

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(702): Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks. http://tfl.nu/8gmt

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(314): View more from Missouri

So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

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(314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present. http://tfl.nu/xf6g

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(847): View more from Illinois

sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.

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(847): sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant. http://tfl.nu/gemh

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(530): View more from California

Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds

(1-530): View more from California

Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.

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(530): Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds (1-530): Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning. http://tfl.nu/ltqk

Replies (40) Good night (867) Bad night (4472)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...

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(203): Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night... http://tfl.nu/4ooo

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(281): View more from Texas

well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"

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(281): well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido" http://tfl.nu/7omt

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(818): View more from California

Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.

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(818): Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you. http://tfl.nu/btkl

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(716): View more from New York

just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.

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(716): just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that. http://tfl.nu/r8dq

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(804): View more from Virginia

He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?

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(804): He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag? http://tfl.nu/lcp4

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(505): View more from New Mexico

His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.

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(505): His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left. http://tfl.nu/dyjo

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(217): View more from Illinois

the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office

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(217): the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office http://tfl.nu/i7an

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.

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(610): I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now. http://tfl.nu/akfs

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(516): View more from New York

Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.

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(516): Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy. http://tfl.nu/8uc8

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(912): View more from Georgia

Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....

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(912): Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time.... http://tfl.nu/fwcj

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(775): View more from Nevada

Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.

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(775): Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me. http://tfl.nu/b0yd

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