Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died