btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
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It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
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I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
