I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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