I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
