found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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