Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
